Dear Kindly IRS Agent, I’m writing to present my case for a silent and all-too-common flaw in the U.S. tax code, causing thousands of dollars of misrepresented fiscal reporting and threatening the livelihoods of many a responsible taxpayer: namely, the failure to recognize horses as dependents. Before you object, allow me to explain. My horseContinue reading “Dear Kindly IRS Agent,”
How COVID stole Christmas (a parody)
On the first day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…a dishwasher full of clean plates On the second day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…unlimited museums On the third day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…hole-free socks On the fourth day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…sleeping in ’til 8 On the fifth day ofContinue reading “The 12 Gifts Adulthood Gave to Me”
The story is a little bit different this Christmas eve… ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the States Not a creature was stirring, no food was on plates. The socials were entered, the forms filled with care, In fear lest the healthcare.gov site would err. The uninsured families were tucked up in bed,Continue reading “‘Twas the Last Night for Healthcare”
A few weeks ago, I discovered a horrifying fact: local stores have stopped carrying the particular scent of deodorant that I have used for years. And I’m sorry, but I have not yet reached the level of Internetsanity in which I will buy deodorant on Amazon. After searching in vain through multiple stores, I madeContinue reading “A Whole New Scent”
Wanted: one brain, of moderate intelligence. Last seen: somewhere in the Sandhills region, not quite a week ago. Reward: the preservation of the unlucky humans who chance to come in contact with its owner. Oh where, oh where Has my little brain gone? Oh where, oh where can it be? With my pons in strifeContinue reading “Oh Where, Oh Where”
When you see how the snark shivers sad in the cold, It makes you forget all your woe. With his claws clenched in tight and his fur fluffing bold, the snark is a summertime foe. Evr’y feather a-quiver, each toe tucked away, he waits for the warmth to return. He’s no comeback to offer, noContinue reading “What Happens to a Snark in Winter?”
“But, Mom, I want one!” “I know, sweetheart, but with big things like this, it’s important to wait until the right time, and your dad and I don’t think you’re ready yet.” “But everyone else already has one!” “Just because your friends are doing something doesn’t mean you need to do it. If everyone elseContinue reading “But I Want One!”
The last time I watched a movie from Redbox, it vanished mysteriously somewhere between the DVD player and the return item slot. (The Amazing Spider-Man was good, but not $25-lost-item-fee great.) Tormented by guilt over my gross negligence in this affair, I swore that it would never happen again. As a result, my most recentContinue reading “Redbox: A Bedtime Story”
Twinkie, twinkie, little bar How I wonder what you are Up there on the shelf so high Like a logjam in the sky Twinkie, twinkie, little bar How I wonder what you are.
Snark on the Side 