‘Twas the Last Night for Healthcare


The story is a little bit different this Christmas eve…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the States
Not a creature was stirring, no food was on plates.
The socials were entered, the forms filled with care,
In fear lest the healthcare.gov site would err.
The uninsured families were tucked up in bed,
While visions of coverage danced in their heads;
My screen with white backdrop, my fingers a-tap
I’d just settled in for a long, restless nap,
When out on the street there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtain and threw up the sash.
The moon on the glaze of the rain-blackened drive
Gave the lustre of ice balls to dead and alive.
Then, what should my wondering eyes chance to see,
But a miniature gurney and eight orderlies,
With a little old driver–on closer exam,
I knew it could only be dear Uncle Sam.
More rapid than Firefox his orderlies go,
And he points, and he shouts to all those down below;
“Remember! Enrollment goes on one more day!
But hurry! At midnight, the chance goes away!”

A wink of his eye and a twist of his hat,
Gave far greater comfort than “Tonya’s” live chat;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And checked all the boxes; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger to two final keys,
He clicked, and “Approved” flashed before I could sneeze;
He beckoned his orderlies, coffee in hand,
And away they all flew like the tune of a band.
Then I heard him exclaim, as his gurney took flight,
“Happy Christmas to all…that blasted website.”


Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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