10 Statements in Error

…at an autumn wedding “It was summer yesterday, so it will feel like summer at 9pm tomorrow.” “Taking this dark shortcut to cut off a corner of the highway is a good idea.” “They won’t mind if we use this back entrance.” “I already got my ID back from the hotel clerk.” “I can carryContinue reading “10 Statements in Error”

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How do you solve a problem like millennials?

(It’s not quite the Von Trapps or Margery McKay, but it’ll do. #nerd) How do you solve a problem like millennials? How do you catch their eye and sell them stuff? How do you find a word that means millennial: a narcissist man-child? a delicate flower? our pride? Many a thing you know you’d likeContinue reading “How do you solve a problem like millennials?”

Things I like: shameless plugs

I have tremendously talented friends. We’re talking fire-breathing, elephant-herding, shattering glass buildings in a single B talents, here. (Also, they are firmly in support of snark. And no one told me to write this post–I’m too snarky for that. So, you should read about them on your lunch break.) 1. Fire-breathing Bees? Who they are:Continue reading “Things I like: shameless plugs”

A Whole New Scent

A few weeks ago, I discovered a horrifying fact: local stores have stopped carrying the particular scent of deodorant that I have used for years. And I’m sorry, but I have not yet reached the level of Internetsanity in which I will buy deodorant on Amazon. After searching in vain through multiple stores, I madeContinue reading “A Whole New Scent”

Getting on the L Train

Tonight, I may be feeling a little less snarky than usual, because I get to watch the premiere of some rockin’ original songs by my before-there-was-Facebook friend Leah Shaw (leahshawmusic.com). Leah will be playing from 5 to 7 p.m. at what is for both of us an alma mater of North Carolina wine: RayLen VineyardsContinue reading “Getting on the L Train”

10 Signs of Celebratory Success

10. A pine needle trail that would make Hansel and Gretel proud. 9. A bin of empty bottles bearing the words “holiday” or “seasonal.” 8. Glitter, glitter everywhere. Everywhere. 7. A homemade wreath ten pounds heavier for all the wire holding it together. 6. A miniature Santa sharing mantel space with a jar of PixyContinue reading “10 Signs of Celebratory Success”

Today’s Theme Song

Thousand-word Personal Statements If you miss the theme I’m on, you will know that I am goneYou can hear rejection’s “no” [from] a hundred miles,A hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles,You can hear rejection’s “no” [from] a hundred miles. Lord I’m one, Lord I’m two, Lord I’m three, Lord I’mContinue reading “Today’s Theme Song”

Open Letter from a Escalatorphobic

Dear WAY TOO YOUNG TO BE THAT GOOD suit-clad piano player in the department store, Your playing is beautiful. Make no mistake. But like 99% of your mall-walking listening audience, I did not expect live music while I wandered through the makeup department. I did not approach the women’s accessory department mentally or emotionally preparedContinue reading “Open Letter from a Escalatorphobic”