technology – Snark on the Side

My Dumbphone Speaks Latin

…what can your smartphone do? Recently, my aging phone has begun to talk back. In Latin. In complicated Latin. Any time I attempt to use the coordinating conjunction “but”, my phone decides that it would prefer to use “ut”. And, as every classically educated scholar knows, “ut” is one of the more complicated Latin termsContinue reading “My Dumbphone Speaks Latin”

A Battle of Wits: NAV 101

“Truman. Truman, that’s our turnoff.” “I changed my mind. What’s New Orleans like this time of year? Mardi Gras, woooooo! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hoo hoo hoo! Whoooohoo! Look, Meryl! Same road, no cars. It’s magic! Hahaha!” –The Truman Show I swear, driving with a GPS brings out the worst in me. When thereContinue reading “A Battle of Wits: NAV 101”

45 Minutes of Airtime Later

Point 1: Don’t tell Viki, but she is being replaced. Point 2: “Free”, my foot. Point 3: Mumbled Customer Service lines designed to inspire confidence: “If this screen would just quit wobbling around…“ “Where’s the continue button? There it is. Finally.“ “You’ll just hear some brief silence…” “And that will be…let’s see…two and forty-nine…“ “IContinue reading “45 Minutes of Airtime Later”

Her Logic Is Undeniable

I’ve put this off for a long time, but I think it’s time to introduce you to my phone. No matter how short-lived her remaining days may be, she’s starting to act a great deal like Marvin and Linus, a fact which entitles her to be anthropomorphized. She’s like a grouchy great-aunt who is stayingContinue reading “Her Logic Is Undeniable”

The Ultimate Alternative Career

As the impatience to hear the outcome of my graduate applications builds, I’m happy to announce that I have discovered the perfect alternative career should my academic aspirations fail to materialize. How, you may ask, did I achieve this gargantuan feat? I began by cataloging my demonstrable skills and passions: Researching obscure and esoteric facts.Continue reading “The Ultimate Alternative Career”

Open Letter to My ThinkPad

Dear Linus, It’s been a good two years. You stepped in at a time in my life when I really needed support. You helped me see Marvin for what he truly was, and you stood up for my decision to let him go. We’ve shared a real connection, Linus. I’ll be the first to admitContinue reading “Open Letter to My ThinkPad”