Category Archives: Parody Road

The 12 Months of Ownership

[to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas”] In the first month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me, a nail in the sole of his foot. In the second month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me, large abscesses In the third month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me,Continue reading “The 12 Months of Ownership”

How do you solve a problem like millennials?

(It’s not quite the Von Trapps or Margery McKay, but it’ll do. #nerd) How do you solve a problem like millennials? How do you catch their eye and sell them stuff? How do you find a word that means millennial: a narcissist man-child? a delicate flower? our pride? Many a thing you know you’d likeContinue reading “How do you solve a problem like millennials?”

Sonnet #2016, for North Carolina

Sonnet #2016 If Shakespeare saw beyond the mask of death Sir Walter’s face stamped on this legal tryst, I think he’d turn to Richard, to Macbeth, to see what strain of tyranny he’d missed. He could not understand the roots of power so well as all the teachers have portrayed yet be so speechless onContinue reading “Sonnet #2016, for North Carolina”

The 12 Gifts Adulthood Gave to Me

On the first day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…a dishwasher full of clean plates On the second day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…unlimited museums On the third day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…hole-free socks On the fourth day of Christmas, adulthood gave to me…sleeping in ’til 8 On the fifth day ofContinue reading “The 12 Gifts Adulthood Gave to Me”

‘Twas the Last Night for Healthcare

The story is a little bit different this Christmas eve… ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the States Not a creature was stirring, no food was on plates. The socials were entered, the forms filled with care, In fear lest the healthcare.gov site would err. The uninsured families were tucked up in bed,Continue reading “‘Twas the Last Night for Healthcare”

A Whole New Scent

A few weeks ago, I discovered a horrifying fact: local stores have stopped carrying the particular scent of deodorant that I have used for years. And I’m sorry, but I have not yet reached the level of Internetsanity in which I will buy deodorant on Amazon. After searching in vain through multiple stores, I madeContinue reading “A Whole New Scent”