[to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas”] In the first month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me, a nail in the sole of his foot. In the second month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me, large abscesses In the third month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me,Continue reading “The 12 Months of Ownership”
Author Archives: Jen
Dear Kindly IRS Agent,
Dear Kindly IRS Agent, I’m writing to present my case for a silent and all-too-common flaw in the U.S. tax code, causing thousands of dollars of misrepresented fiscal reporting and threatening the livelihoods of many a responsible taxpayer: namely, the failure to recognize horses as dependents. Before you object, allow me to explain. My horseContinue reading “Dear Kindly IRS Agent,”
How COVID Stole Christmas
How COVID stole Christmas (a parody)
The Magic Resisted
When the muggles are taken from us, all that is left is for the wizards to unite.* Day 31 Very aware of my surroundings. Released a baby mandrake from a water orb. I know how the poor little guy feels. We’re all screaming inside. Fought off a boggart to free Ron. The magic resisted. FoundContinue reading “The Magic Resisted”
Parts in Your World
Tomorrow, I say goodbye to my faithful car of 14 years, a 2002 Honda Civic named Sylvie. It seems only fair to commemorate her quirky humor and adventurous spirit in song—her own special anthem. I bet you can sing along. Parts in Your World Look at this plate Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think myContinue reading “Parts in Your World”
Deathly Cute Hallows
Happy Halloween! Today, instead of feverishly assembling a quirky costume, I’m pondering something a little different. What would it look like to prepare for death on Halloween, in keeping with the holiday’s historical roots (read more)? Hang with me. I will admit: the thought first crossed my mind this morning as I puked in anContinue reading “Deathly Cute Hallows”
On Both Sides
There’s wisdom on both sides. In a few months there will be wisdom on neither side. On December 13, well into my thirties, I will be losing the four emblems of wisdom that fought their way out of my gums more than ten years ago. On the other hand, sometimes you just have to gritContinue reading “On Both Sides”
10 Statements in Error
…at an autumn wedding “It was summer yesterday, so it will feel like summer at 9pm tomorrow.” “Taking this dark shortcut to cut off a corner of the highway is a good idea.” “They won’t mind if we use this back entrance.” “I already got my ID back from the hotel clerk.” “I can carryContinue reading “10 Statements in Error”
Gratuitous
There are a lot of people seeing red these days. Apart from the ugliness in the news, I seem to be allergic to my house—either that, or my frustration with politics is literally beginning to change my eye color. It’s not a fun situation, and it may require me to move yet again if it doesn’tContinue reading “Gratuitous”
Two-lane Roads Diverged
Driving through Virginia this week, I’m pretty sure I discovered why so many rural Americans voted for President Trump: it’s because they have had to follow two slow-as vehicles on a two-lane road. One you can handle. Two just make you long for anarchy. Everything feels stagnant, and any kind of change would be welcome.Continue reading “Two-lane Roads Diverged”
Snark on the Side 