If you give a Musk a chainsaw, he’s going to ask for a special post. When you give him the post, he’ll probably ask you for a badge. When he’s finished, he’ll ask you for the checkbook. Then he’ll want to look in the records to make sure he doesn’t have any critics. When heContinue reading “If You Give a Musk a Chainsaw”
Author Archives: Jen
ISO a UNICORN
ISO a UNICORN this Christmas—primary for play and pleasure: obstacles, baby dressage, rides around the farm. Should be easygoing and willing to stand around for long grooming sessions. Doesn’t have to be bombproof, but MUST be able to take a joke. Confidence-builder type. Should be the same whether riding every day or with a fewContinue reading “ISO a UNICORN”
The 12 Months of Ownership
[to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas”] In the first month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me, a nail in the sole of his foot. In the second month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me, large abscesses In the third month of ownership, my heart horse gave to me,Continue reading “The 12 Months of Ownership”
Dear Kindly IRS Agent,
Dear Kindly IRS Agent, I’m writing to present my case for a silent and all-too-common flaw in the U.S. tax code, causing thousands of dollars of misrepresented fiscal reporting and threatening the livelihoods of many a responsible taxpayer: namely, the failure to recognize horses as dependents. Before you object, allow me to explain. My horseContinue reading “Dear Kindly IRS Agent,”
How COVID Stole Christmas
How COVID stole Christmas (a parody)
The Magic Resisted
When the muggles are taken from us, all that is left is for the wizards to unite.* Day 31 Very aware of my surroundings. Released a baby mandrake from a water orb. I know how the poor little guy feels. We’re all screaming inside. Fought off a boggart to free Ron. The magic resisted. FoundContinue reading “The Magic Resisted”
Parts in Your World
Tomorrow, I say goodbye to my faithful car of 14 years, a 2002 Honda Civic named Sylvie. It seems only fair to commemorate her quirky humor and adventurous spirit in song—her own special anthem. I bet you can sing along. Parts in Your World Look at this plate Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think myContinue reading “Parts in Your World”
Deathly Cute Hallows
Happy Halloween! Today, instead of feverishly assembling a quirky costume, I’m pondering something a little different. What would it look like to prepare for death on Halloween, in keeping with the holiday’s historical roots (read more)? Hang with me. I will admit: the thought first crossed my mind this morning as I puked in anContinue reading “Deathly Cute Hallows”
On Both Sides
There’s wisdom on both sides. In a few months there will be wisdom on neither side. On December 13, well into my thirties, I will be losing the four emblems of wisdom that fought their way out of my gums more than ten years ago. On the other hand, sometimes you just have to gritContinue reading “On Both Sides”
10 Statements in Error
…at an autumn wedding “It was summer yesterday, so it will feel like summer at 9pm tomorrow.” “Taking this dark shortcut to cut off a corner of the highway is a good idea.” “They won’t mind if we use this back entrance.” “I already got my ID back from the hotel clerk.” “I can carryContinue reading “10 Statements in Error”
Snark on the Side 