…what can your smartphone do? Recently, my aging phone has begun to talk back. In Latin. In complicated Latin. Any time I attempt to use the coordinating conjunction “but”, my phone decides that it would prefer to use “ut”. And, as every classically educated scholar knows, “ut” is one of the more complicated Latin termsContinue reading “My Dumbphone Speaks Latin”
Not belonging to the iPhone generation is a real disadvantage sometimes. It’s worse than having a clock that is perpetually 34 minutes slow. (Yeah. I still use clocks to tell time.) By the time I come across an Internet phenomenon, everyone else has already seen it. Who knew that someone other than me found “ThriftContinue reading “The Empty-Bottle Hour of YouTube Parties”
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my locale gave to me… Eleven ’13 planners Ten freezing fingers Nine more to-do lists Eight resolutions Seven Frisbee bruises Six mountain mouse heads Five RayLen wines Four to-do lists Three deadlines Two aspirin and a deer crossing just before me.
As I have written before, driving with a GPS brings out the worst in me. My GPS goes by the name of Bonnie, and she has already been subjected to my gleeful Truman-esque escapes through the labyrinthine shopping center parking lots of suburban America. Little did I know that Bonnie, too, has a dark side.Continue reading “Bonnie Strikes Back”
Clearly, Amazon does not understand sarcasm. If they did, they would know that I had visited a certain item page solely to read the snarky reviews, and they would not have sent me this list of email recommendations to start off my morning: Thank you, Amazon and BIC. As you well know, and as theContinue reading “Amazon Is Not a Snark”
“Truman. Truman, that’s our turnoff.” “I changed my mind. What’s New Orleans like this time of year? Mardi Gras, woooooo! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hoo hoo hoo! Whoooohoo! Look, Meryl! Same road, no cars. It’s magic! Hahaha!” –The Truman Show I swear, driving with a GPS brings out the worst in me. When thereContinue reading “A Battle of Wits: NAV 101”
Point 1: Don’t tell Viki, but she is being replaced. Point 2: “Free”, my foot. Point 3: Mumbled Customer Service lines designed to inspire confidence: “If this screen would just quit wobbling around…“ “Where’s the continue button? There it is. Finally.“ “You’ll just hear some brief silence…” “And that will be…let’s see…two and forty-nine…“ “IContinue reading “45 Minutes of Airtime Later”
I’ve put this off for a long time, but I think it’s time to introduce you to my phone. No matter how short-lived her remaining days may be, she’s starting to act a great deal like Marvin and Linus, a fact which entitles her to be anthropomorphized. She’s like a grouchy great-aunt who is stayingContinue reading “Her Logic Is Undeniable”
Dear Linus, It’s been a good two years. You stepped in at a time in my life when I really needed support. You helped me see Marvin for what he truly was, and you stood up for my decision to let him go. We’ve shared a real connection, Linus. I’ll be the first to admitContinue reading “Open Letter to My ThinkPad”
It’s official. Orlando and Linus are conspiring to keep me inside today. Given that the weather has been 70 degrees and sunny, they are officially on my bad list. Too bad that fact doesn’t seem to faze them.