As the impatience to hear the outcome of my graduate applications builds, I’m happy to announce that I have discovered the perfect alternative career should my academic aspirations fail to materialize.
How, you may ask, did I achieve this gargantuan feat?
I began by cataloging my demonstrable skills and passions:
- Researching obscure and esoteric facts.
- Correcting others’ errors.
- Assisting with organization and planning.
- Debating unimportant details and rules.
- Taking instructions.
- Remembering details about people, past conversations, and hypothetical plans.
- Reading aloud.
- Being introverted, and just listening until directly addressed.
- Acting as a sounding board for others’ ideas.
- Figuring out what people want/need to hear in a given situation.
- Misinterpreting nonverbal cues.
- Providing snarky retorts to non sequitur comments.
- Falling down at inopportune moments.
Before long, the only possible conclusion became clear.
I’m sure you know what I mean.
It’s obvious, right?
If I don’t get into grad school, there is only one thing left to do.