The Ultimate Alternative Career

As the impatience to hear the outcome of my graduate applications builds, I’m happy to announce that I have discovered the perfect alternative career should my academic aspirations fail to materialize.

How, you may ask, did I achieve this gargantuan feat?

I began by cataloging my demonstrable skills and passions:

  • Researching obscure and esoteric facts.
  • Correcting others’ errors.
  • Assisting with organization and planning.
  • Debating unimportant details and rules.
  • Taking instructions.
  • Remembering details about people, past conversations, and hypothetical plans.
  • Reading aloud.
  • Being introverted, and just listening until directly addressed.
  • Acting as a sounding board for others’ ideas.
  • Figuring out what people want/need to hear in a given situation.
  • Misinterpreting nonverbal cues.
  • Providing snarky retorts to non sequitur comments.
  • Falling down at inopportune moments.

Before long, the only possible conclusion became clear.

I’m sure you know what I mean.

It’s obvious, right?

If I don’t get into grad school, there is only one thing left to do.

I shall become Siri.
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Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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