The Snark is back! Friends, I did not realize how difficult it can be to take a vacation until I had the glorious opportunity, recently, to take a week-long beach trip with some of my closest friends. I spent the week hobnobbing with Hogarth, a seagull with an extraordinary homing device for sour cream andContinue reading “Success! Vacation!”
Author Archives: Jen
Instagram, re: Healthy Eating
Eating healthily in springtime means hiding your after-work cocktail behind your salad when you stage an Instagram photo of your food—and conveniently ignoring the fish sticks in the oven. Yeah. I know all about this “healthiness” bit. You’re welcome.
Occlumency for Sleep Talkers
“Occlumency, Potter. The magical defense of the mind against external penetration. An obscure branch of magic, but a highly useful one.” –Professor Snape (Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) One ominous night in fourth grade, I confronted my mother at 3a.m. to demand why my guinea pig was not on the bookshelfContinue reading “Occlumency for Sleep Talkers”
I Can’t Wear Pants Anymore.
This past week has been taken to another hemisphere by the hoard of itty bitty ants that decided to colonize my ceiling light fixture in their attempt to escape from the weekend rains. It might take a few more metaphors to describe my loathing for the tiny Coast-Guard-rescue-swimmer wannabees who spent the week BASE jumpingContinue reading “I Can’t Wear Pants Anymore.”
A Mind Gone to the Dogs
I may not be a “dog person” in the strictest sense of the word, but neither am I a puppy hater (these are, according to Urban Dictionary, “currently competing for the worst group of humans that have and will ever exist, along side Nazis, neo-Nazis, the KKK, and Muslim extremeists [sic]”). Nobody wants that. IContinue reading “A Mind Gone to the Dogs”
The Empty-Bottle Hour of YouTube Parties
Not belonging to the iPhone generation is a real disadvantage sometimes. It’s worse than having a clock that is perpetually 34 minutes slow. (Yeah. I still use clocks to tell time.) By the time I come across an Internet phenomenon, everyone else has already seen it. Who knew that someone other than me found “ThriftContinue reading “The Empty-Bottle Hour of YouTube Parties”
Mix Tape for a Wine Festival
Movies are better than life only in that they come with a soundtrack. Life’s lack of soundtrack is a serious deficiency–especially when it comes to wine festivals. This weekend, I kicked back (i.e. tripped over a tent stake) and upended a few bottles of wine (i.e. pouring it into customers’ glasses) while enjoying the sunshineContinue reading “Mix Tape for a Wine Festival”
The Fate of a Happy Snark
There is a bird singing outside my “office” window as I sit in a patch of sunshine at the end of another business day. Three hours of daylight remain. Do you know how dangerous these conditions are for the embattled race of snarks? Every time a child eats an ice cream cone while holding aContinue reading “The Fate of a Happy Snark”
The Revenge of the Fish
I love Goldfish® crackers. I love them in a bag. I love them in a box. I love them in a carton. I love them in the multi-p(ox).* But, apparently, Goldfish® crackers do not suffer forever the rampant gormandizing of our species. Sometimes, they fight back. Yesterday, I fell victim to one such attack. ItContinue reading “The Revenge of the Fish”
Frozen April Poetry
In true irony, showcasing my eternally pessimistic nature, I welcomed in the spring with a poem called “Frozen.” Just kidding. Except not. I was thrilled to have my poem accepted by the poetry blog vox poetica! They are featuring the poem on “today’s words“; it will migrate to the poemblog after today. If you haven’tContinue reading “Frozen April Poetry”
Snark on the Side 