Small Towns, Quiet Thursdays

I spent the morning doing final proofreading of my thesis in preparation for submitting it to the library. Given my current level of over-saturation with the contents of said thesis, I wasn’t looking forward to it.

However, just a fifteen minute drive away, the entire process was salvaged by the beauty of a certain small town, where…

  • You can mark time by the older man jogging laps around the town square while rapping along with his iPod.
  • There are park benches shaded by crape myrtle trees in the perfect blend of sun and shade.
  • There’s a handy brick wall for foot propping.
  • Coffee shops have porches and rocking chairs.
  • It’s quiet enough to hear the birds.
  • On the crosswalk, you’re in as much danger from passing bicycles as from cars.
  • Said coffee shop is a short walk from said square/park.
  • There are noon bells!
  • Even proofing my thesis was somehow peaceful (or soporific, take your pick…)

C’est si bon.

My Least Favorite Word

You know how some people have these little habits that just get you down? Like Bernie…

Well, sort of like Bernie.

You know how some people have those little words that just get them down? I’m one of those people.

There are a few words that really make me cringe every time I hear them. I want to play two-year-old and cover my ears. I want to (and sometimes do) say “shhh” very loudly to whoever has just rocked the Ferris Wheel car holding my sense of equanimity.

The culprit?

Last.

In all of human history, graduates have struggled with the word “last.” Graduation is a time of many lasts. Therefore, this blog shows how the main character, Jen, struggles with the word “last.”

(end mockery of freshman English essays.)

If I started counting all the “lasts” coming up in the next few weeks, my ability to function would deteriorate pretty rapidly.

Last writing center tutoring session would become last pump of blue hand sanitizer after a sick undergrad sneezes on my hand, last use of the green pens, last sheet of paper dropped into the paper recycling bin…

Last class would have become last thing I say in a graduate seminar (make it good!), last note I take as part of my Masters education, last time I walk out of this building with my classmates, last time I trip over the step leading out of Tribble while wearing a backpack…

Last time I visit my study carrel before turning in the key would become a form of warped nostalgia about a place I hated and avoided at all costs…

Last thesis forms turned in would become the last time I talk to professors, last time I write something as a masters candidate, last time I am a student, last day of not being in the real world, last day of student discounts and lazy afternoons pretending to do homework, last time I get ink on my fingers while signing a student form as a masters student…

Last, last, last, last, last.

::shudder::

It starts to get a little ridiculous after that point. Any time you feel nostalgia for the act of stubbing your toe on a particular hunk of sidewalk is an appropriate time to stop and reevaluate.

So what to do with all of these (b)last(ed) things?

Maybe I need to take a lesson from Lucy.

(I know, from Chicago to Peanuts in one blog post? Who does that? Me, that’s who.)

Some people go through life with the deck chairs facing forward, gazing out where they are going…Others go through life with their deck chair facing backwards, looking at where they’ve been. Which way is your deck chair facing?

I’m pretty sure my deck chair, assuming I’ve gotten it unfolded — I’m so used to a desk chair, you know — would be facing meta-backward, if that’s even possible.

Reverse! reverse!

(Cha-cha slide too? This is getting out of hand…)

It would be cliche to say that accomplishing something necessarily means finishing something. And that’s a good thing. Maybe the point is to add the next cliche and say that finishing one thing means starting something else.

Could be good. Could be bad. The possibilities aren’t endless, but there are a few.

And every time I think about graduation in this morbid and somebody-please-smack-me way, I’m reminded of a funny quote from three years ago. At my first contra dance when I moved here, the person behind the desk asked me, “Are you a student or a real person?”

Well guess what, friends. In the midst of all the “lasts,” next week will be the first time I’m a real person again!

How about that.

Bam.

The Epitome of Cuteness

This morning, I woke up with the urge to weed my back “garden”: a much-needed task, but a pretty mundane one.

Then I saw what I thought was the chipmunk that haunts our house in hopes of finding something edible — like green peppers, basil, carrots, flowers, etc.

But it wasn’t!

Cue tiny bunny adorableness music.


Poor little fellow had gotten into the garden and couldn’t figure out how to get back out.

We had an eye-to-eye moment, and then I opened the gate and pointed him toward it.

Made my morning.

I hope the little guy makes it home.

(See last summer’s post “It’s the Little Things” for previous instance of the Jen-Bunny connection. This connection is enhanced by the fact that I currently have no bunny edibles planted in the garden.)

The Defense Rap

What do you do when you’re preparing for a master’s thesis defense? I’ll tell you – you write a rap about it.

Does it matter that you listen to musicals instead of rap, your voice is better suited to Disney princess songs than to Eminem, and you prefer waltzing to hip-hop?

Not a whit.

Enjoy.

Channeling Fresh Prince.*

—-

Shakespeare’s Rapper**

Let me tell you how it happened when I scheduled my defense
When I wondered what was happenin’ and everythin’ was tense
My adviser said the main thing was for me to play it cool
But it’s not so easy goin’ when you’re feelin’ like a fool

Like a fool
Like a fool
‘Fraid of lookin’ like a fool

So I made myself a name-tag for a Master’s candidate
And I told the whole committee that the time was gettin’ late
Then they asked me who was Shakespeare and I felt a kind of shock
Stammered Bacon-Oxford-Washington while pleadin’ with the clock

With the clock
With the clock
Wishin’ light speed to the clock

But I knew we’d hit the moment; my degree was on the line
So I hit the rewind button and I told ’em I was fine
If you wanna know the answer to this pressin’ mystery
Then you gotta ask me nicely ’cause it’s in my custody

Custody
Custody
Got it under lock and key

They were full of expectation, I could see it in their eyes
Listen close, I said, I’ll say it once, you know I tell no lies
Then I slid across the table my examination form
And I said you gotta sign this if you want me to inform

To inform
To inform
Gotta pay me to inform

There and then I saw their signatures appear upon the page
And I said next time you’ll laugh when you see Shakespeare on the stage
‘Cause by then you’ll understand a joke you can’t find in his book
You can never trust a grad who has a lean and hungry look

Hungry look
Hungry look
Then I ran out like a crook

—-
*generally, accents on syllable 3, 7, 11, and 15
**The lyrics of this rap, like many, have no connection to reality. Hungry grad students just want to be fed, and are generally very trustworthy and docile. Yours truly also has no desire to comment on who this W.S. fellow might be.

Dear Orlando

Dear Orlando,

You’ve grown so much in the time that I’ve known you. It’s hard to believe that it’s going on four months now. But now that I’m seeing the full picture of who you are, we need to talk.

See, wanting to spend time together is one thing. Needing to spend time together, that’s okay. But this obsessive jealousy and needing to take over every aspect of my life has to stop.

I’m no quitter, and I know we have another two weeks to go, but please. Give me a little room to breathe. You’re a grown-up now, after all. You have to learn how to fend for yourself.

Love,

Jen

P.S. COMPLETE. DRAFT. WRITTEN. !!!!!

Considering a New Topic

Orlando – this is what will become of you if you do not begin to cooperate.

Consider yourself warned.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Tonight. It’s all going down tonight.

I said that yesterday.

And the yesterday before that.

Well…

This time I really mean it.

The power of jellybeans will accomplish this.

Oh, Hobbes

“I say not this, as disapproving the use of Universities: but because I am to speak hereafter of their office in a Common-wealth, I must let you see on all occasions by the way, what things would be amended in them; amongst which the frequency of insignificant Speech is one” (Leviathan, A2v).