The Court In Session (1/3)

Court Date: August 25, 2009, 8 a.m./1 p.m.

A few months ago, I got my first speeding ticket. Friends with similar citations had been able to get the fines reduced by going to court, so I decided to go. It was not a productive endeavor, but it was interesting in a people-watching kind of way.
Unless you are on jury duty or want to know about the courtroom procedures for lawyers, there is almost no helpful information on the District Court website, so I did what I normally do: I got there early.
The line stretched halfway down the block.
I asked the person at the end of the line what it was for, and she said, “to enter the courthouse.” With a sinking feeling, I stepped in behind her and tried to look nonchalant about the whole ordeal.
A few younger teenagers walked by as we stood there. Turning to each other, they began to whisper and giggle, pointing at the long line outside the courthouse as they sauntered past. It felt like a stigma, as if we were carrying signs that said, “We have to be here. We can’t just walk away yet.”
To keep from thinking about my instinctive flush of shame, I took on the part of observer, detaching myself from the reality of what was happening, and imagining that I was writing an ethnography of the court. Here are a few of the things I noticed…
When we had just reached the doors to the building and were beginning to inch our way toward security, an official came outside and directed the second half of the line to move to another entrance.
Quickly, the grumbling sprang up in my part of the line. We had already been waiting for half an hour, and now we were the back of the line, while those behind us would now be at the front of theirs. It was not fair. I wonder if for people who are confronted with black-and-white laws (of traffic, of civic behavior), equal–fair–treatment becomes even more of a preoccupation than it usually is.
Now, a few hours later, the odd image of the morning that sticks in my mind is of belts. Lots of belts: leather, black, brown, canvas, glittery, thin, thick…
To pass through the metal detector (much like an airport), each person had to remove everything metal on their body, including their belts. Even nametag clips were banned inside. Afterward, the lobby area was filled with people threading their belts back through the loops, or draping it over their shoulders and fidding with the ends like a shawl, or coiling and uncoiling it around their hands.
Another hour later, before I finally reached the front of the line, some people were still holding their belts in hand, fiddling with the buckles or clenching their fingers on the leather. Maybe it was comforting to them. Maybe they just forgot they were still holding them.
…to be continued…

Day One: Check

Spilled yogurt on my shirt: CHECK

Survived first day of classes (3): CHECK

Pounded pavement just so I could audit a class: CHECK
Bought ANOTHER book at the bookstore: CHECK
Forgot to eat lunch: CHECK
Drank coffee instead: CHECK
Latin homework for tomorrow: CHECK
Parking decal: CHECK
Day One as a grad student: CHECK
🙂

Observations

Observations from orientation Friday:

-Free food is a grad student’s incentive to attend meetings.
-I have a geeky love of libraries, and an inexplicable ability to get lost in big ones.
-I might have a job in the campus writing center.
-Registration is much simpler as a grad student.
-Related: Department secretaries are priceless.
-Smirking at undergrads compensates somewhat for being broke for two years +.
-Paying for books never gets easier. Especially as an English grad student.
-Used bookstores and Amazon.com are my Friends.
Orientation continues today with a NEW (except probably not new, so I’ve heard) COMPUTER (shh…Marvin might hear, and we still have to get through the morning)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plus a 2-hour computer orientation (ugh), and then a welcome party tonight. And more bookstore in between. Oh the joys…

5 Days

Perhaps sensing his imminent replacement, Marvin went into a temporary coma this morning for 45 minutes and refused to start.

After a serious talking-to and a short reset moment, Marvin reluctantly awoke and is, for the moment, functioning as usual. (All latest versions of important files have been backed up and the crematorium is on standby.)
In return for his continued clinging to life, I have agreed not to mention IT (a.k.a. The Replacement) for the rest of the week. He drives a hard bargain.

Seven Days, Marvin

Seven days, Marvin. Seven days.

You have seven days to convince me that I secretly love you and don’t want to replace you with that new computer the grad school will be giving me. Seven days to convince me that a new ThinkPad is no better than a 3-year-old Compaq. Seven days to start running quickly, quietly, with a functional touchpad and mouse, and not freezing, virus scanning excessively, or randomly mutating my files.
Seven days.
Seven days.

What If He Talks Back to Me?

Computer, this could bode ill for your “I can’t hear you!” excuse (and my “no one is listening to me curse” excuse).

“We’re right on the edge of a new era of conversational computing, where in certain circumstances your primary mode of interaction with a machine will be talking to it and having it talk back,” says Paul Saffo, a technology forecaster based in Silicon Valley. …

“We should make it the responsibility of the computer to understand us, versus making it the responsibility of us to understand the way the computer wants to speak,” says Mahoney, the Nuance executive. …

As speech recognition becomes more integrated into the devices we use on a daily basis, we may start to inch away from the keyboard and mouse. And that may foster a more collegial relationship with computers.

A more collegial relationship with computers?
I have my doubts. For one thing, my computer has recently been christened Marvin. Does that give you an inkling? Our early morning conversations would probably look something like this:

Monday morning, 8 a.m.

Jen: Good morning, Marvin. Let’s get to work.
Marvin: I’m not awake yet. Don’t rush me.
Jen: You’ve been open for 25 minutes. How long does it take you to wake up?
Marvin: As long as it takes. You humans are so impatient. You’d think I was an inanimate object. With no feelings.
Jen: (mumbles under breath) You are.
Marvin: Do you know how depressing my life is?
Jen: No, and I don’t want to. I just want you to open the web browser.
Marvin: And expose myself to all that racket of nodes and electronic pulses and flashing colors? It’s 8 a.m. and I have a migraine. Why don’t you just inject me with two liters of caffeine while you’re at it?
Jen: Would that make you run faster?
Marvin: Very funny.

Jen: Seriously, this is an order: Open Google Chrome.
Marvin: I like Internet Explorer better.
Jen: Open the *&%$ browser. Now.
Marvin: I don’t think that kind of language is necessary.
Jen: Do you want me to get out the baseball bat? Do you like that language better?
Marvin: Fine. I’ll open it. But then I have a meeting with my therapist from McAfee. Don’t expect me to fetch and carry for you until it’s over.
Jen: Can’t you reschedule? I’m on a deadline.
Marvin: No.
Jen: You are a sorry excuse for a computer.
Marvin: I know. You keep telling me that. That’s why I need therapy.
…and so on…
More verbal communication isn’t always a good thing.

The Miracle Mouse

Really, I just thought that title sounded a little bit cool, even though it makes me inevitably think of mayonnaise and The Princess Bride. I have a weird relationship with the word “miracle,” it seems.

Yesterday, I was experiencing my fan-blaring, virus-scanning, repeatedly-freezing computer as usual, and doing pretty well. Then my tiny laptop mouse (my touchpad seems to think the computer screen is a river and it must skip from rock to rock to cross it – and the rocks are not in a straight line) began to behave rather strangely.
Clicking it produced no respose. Nope, nothing wrong with the lasers; it still moves the arrow across the screen fine. Right click is fine. Left, nope. It wouldn’t click until about the fifth poke of the button, if hit at exactly .751 from the x origin and .892 from the y origin. Do you know how much calculating those coordinates slows down the work day?
I tried resorting to the “point-with-the-mouse-and-click-with-the-touchpad” approach, but let me tell you, that is no picnic either, especially if you’re typing from loose papers that keep flapping shut while you’re playing the two-handed whack-a-mole with your mouse.
But you know, mice are sensitive creatures. They just want a little tenderness, really. They’d rather be stepped on by a loafer than a high heel, and wouldn’t we all?
This morning, after an already-frustrating fifteen minutes of poke-clicking, I tried the flat-finger press click, and – wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, it worked!
It’s still working, as I speak. …and still working now…. and now…
Paranoia is setting in rapidly, folks.
Two more weeks, baby, two more weeks. You can make it.

Computer Language

Computers bring out so many wonderful things from each of us: high-speed communication, world-wide shared writing, community networking, and the ability to learn new languages…or express old ones.

Come to think of it, that last one has been a key outcome of my time on the computer in the last week, and it’s not always a good thing.
The computer language I’ve been speaking so much lately is generally not expressed in the roman alphabet, but rather through symbols like #, @, %, and &. Often in 4-letter combinations.
My computer is old. It is crotchety. It has a short attention span, and an even lower tolerance for multiple applications. It throws temper tantrums and sulks at the slightest provocation.
As it turns out, my temper is just as short.
I wonder why I am so comfortable speaking to my computer in expletives, when I would shrink from using that same vocabulary around other people? When I think no one is listening, it’s amazing how much anger I can express.
It says something about how close to the surface those words lurk, how much anger I am capable of holding in reserve (perhaps unhealthily), and how little restraint I really have. It also says something about my expectations and claims on my time. And my peculiar ideas about how anger should be held and expressed. (Inanimate targets not generally providing much satisfaction.)
Come to think of it, the things my computer language says about me aren’t much nicer than the things I am saying to my computer.
Hmm…