O Resolutions Mine

January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!!!

In celebration, I’ve decided to return to a tradition begun last year–that of the New Year’s Un-Resolution, otherwise known as stating the obvious. 🙂

In review: this year I did not resolve to watch Veggie Tales more regularly. I did not stop (permanently) writing for my blogs. I still trip on giant dust bunnies named Bob in my room. My snooze button is still fully functional. Chaotic Christmas letter–check. No relationship status on Facebook. Despair.com–check. Alliteration–all the time. Big words–indubitably. Serious resolutions? Ha.

So, as Miss Stacy so poetically put it–“tomorrow is another day.” Or was that Annie? Ahem.

Un-Resolution number ONE

I will not become addicted to Facebook applications…unless I do.

Un-Resolution number TWO

I will probably still dance around my kitchen on a regular basis.

Un-Resolution number THREE

I will never cease to make fun of the Twilight craze, even if I eventually read the books.

Un-Resolution number FOUR

I will drink no more or less coffee than I will drink this year.

Un-Resolution number FIVE

My computers will have names, will protest loudly at every opportunity, and will probably with a high likelihood of chance “lose” a few important files each semester.

Un-Resolution number SIX

I will make an average of two random comments or non-transitionalized remarks containing an average of one made-up word every fifteen minutes of most of my interactions.

Un-Resolution number SEVEN

I will refuse to wear rubber rain boots on campus, purely on principle. Unless I give in.

Un-Resolution number EIGHT

I will not gain a substantially higher quantity of artistic talent extending beyond rhapsodies over the stairs I trip up and the occasional caffeine-induced 3 a.m. short story or song lyric that is never written down.

Un-Resolution number NINE

I will spend at least fifteen minutes griping about the fact that all dressy shoes sizes 9 and above have a three-inch heel, regardless of the actual facts, whatever they may be. I said regardless of the facts, so it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Un-Resolution number TEN

I will most likely write another post very much like this one next year. Can’t wait, can you?

…and…

Merry Christmas!!!

Today at the mall, doing my traditional Christmas Eve shopping and people-watching, a few things, as every year, caught my eye:

1) The number of adults leaning precariously over the railing to catch a glimpse of Santa on the floor below.
2) The men – props to you – sitting and waiting on the benches outside a store. Only one asleep, a few teens, many holding bags.
3) The men – the few, the brave – holding women’s clothing items up to their own body in front of a mirror to figure out if the significant (female) other will like it.
4) The scarcity of Santa hats (one).
5) The beauty of a smile and a “Merry Christmas!”

Much as we like to pretend otherwise, there’s a lot to be said for the small child in each of us who wants to giggle and finds it hard to go to sleep tonight…

Merry Christmas!

The Twelve Days of Finals

In celebration of finishing the first semester of grad school, and in proper holiday spirits, I am proud to bring to you, for the first time in the history of this blog (wow, that sounded very pompous, didn’t it?)…The Twelve Days of Finals (to be sung appropriately).

Enjoy!

The Twelve Days of Finals OR The Twelve Final Days

1. The last week of classes, I saw a long, long road
To freedom from Tribble Hall

2. The last Tuesday classes, an abstract due at ten
Write quickly now
Toward freedom from Tribble Hall

3. The last Wednesday classes, I saw the break ahead
Course evals
Write a little more
And then freedom from Tribble Hall.

4. On the penult day of classes, I had a paper due,
Send it on Blackboard,
Course evals
Write a little more
And freedom from Tribble Hall.

5. On the last day of classes, I thought my time was free
It’s getting cold
Bluff a Latin quiz
Course evals
Write a little more
And then freedom from Tribble Hall. (right)

6. On the first day of reading, I saw the light ahead
Papers keep coming
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Find more books
Write a little more
Only six hours in Tribble Hall.

7. On the second day of reading, a Latin test ahead
-bo, -bis, -bit, -bimus
Papers keep coming
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Find more books
Write a little more
And eight hours in Tribble Hall.

8. On the first day of finals, three papers loom ahead
Conjugate “esse”
Time to check Facebook
Save every minute
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Find more books
Write a little more
Elev’n hours in Tribble Hall.

9. On the second day of finals, the caffeine level’s high
Three papers queuing
Free food at midnight
Time to check Facebook
Save every minute
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Find more books
Write a little more
And twelve hours in Tribble Hall.

10. On the third day of finals, I felt the panic grow
Don’t lose your outline
Three papers looming
Free food at midnight
Time to check Facebook
Save every minute
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Find more books
Write a little more
Thirteen hours in Tribble Hall.

11. On the fourth day of finals, no more excuses now
Panic at midnight
Don’t lose your outline
Three paper deadlines
Free food at midnight
Time to check Facebook
Save every minute
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Find more books
Write a little more
Fifteen hours in Tribble Hall.

12. On the fifth day of finals, the end of all has come
Double the coffee
Panic all morning
Back up your finals
Three paper deadlines
Eight hours of writing
No time for Facebook
Save every minute
It’s getting cold
Gripe about the work
Write last words
Let the papers go
And then freeeeedom from Triiiiibble Hall.

Merry Christmas in 7 Days!!!!

Ode to Room 201

After having spent no less than 8 hours a day on campus since Saturday and NO LESS than twelve hours a day on campus since Monday, this is the response of a brain in desperation.

With no further ado, please forgive my Ode to Room 201, where I have spent most of those hours.

—-

Ode to Room 201

O Room with glued-on faux antique wood door,
a throne for ev’ry king and ev’ry queen
as long as there are only two of each–no more,
lest like Twelve Angry Men you stage a scene
with seven angry grads who fight for sway
of velvet plush that squeaks a regal tune.
Your promised hidden panels soon exhaust,
O room of caffeine flowing night and day,
where books like sphinxes claim a costly boon,
and mind-spent students scream that all is lost.

—-

Yes, Wake Forest, you have brought me to this.

Turkey in a Clean House

Shh… don’t look now, but my house is clean. Don’t blink – it might disappear if you do.

You know you’re turning into a grown-up when what excites you about Thanksgiving break is the chance to clean the house. It’s really kind of sad, but I spent most of the day doing just that, and reveling in NOT doing work that required my brain to be functional.

But I’m excited about more than that: Christmas music becomes permissible in TWO DAYS!!! Sorry if you missed the memo (the stores definitely have), but playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving is a dreadful holiday faux pas.

In other news, the Christmas tree stands are beginning to pop up around town, and unfortunately, so are the crazy shoppers and tense, frustrated faces in line. It’s kind of sad how quickly it starts. You’d think Joy to the World (which I didn’t hear because I was good and blocked my ears to avoid breaking that all-important holiday rule about not listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving) would override the fear that someone else might get the last box of New Moon Jell-O with the free Jacob’s…face temporary tattoo.

Guess that’s a bit much to ask. That tattoo will be worth a lot on Ebay. Someday.

But in the meantime, I want to take a minute to list off some of the things I’m thankful for this year…

  • Food, warm houses, friends and family;
  • Turkey. And cranberry sauce;
  • The end of David Lynch movies, for me at least;
  • The mere 53 pages of writing standing between me and the end of the semester;
  • The fact of being alive at the almost-end of the semester; and,
  • Grace to cover my sarcasm, crankiness, and general obsession with me-ness.

Safe travels, happy eating-and-shopping-in-maddeningly-long-lines-at-five-a.m., and see you on the other side!!

Be Like an Unwelcome Guest

Dear Thanksgiving Break,
and Christmas soon after:
please be like an unwelcome guest.

Come early, leave late,
leave your keys on the sink,
and stand talking beside the door.

Bring unhealthy food;
wear garish red sweaters;
monopolize conversation.

Thanksgiving, Christmas:
Just one thing, please promise:
Don’t cancel at the last minute.

That’s all.

But Then…

Sometimes, I am just incredibly grateful for the ability to laugh.

Today was one of those days. After two weeks of increasing stress, I hit writer’s block this week, with a paper due tomorrow (about torture and the literary) among other monsters. Nothing. I mean nothing. Commence mini-breakdown.
But then…
I’m grateful for a couple friends who pulled me out of my own head, kept me company working, and listened to me grumble. There’s something purgative about calling your work what it is, especially when it’s just plain bad.
I’m grateful for finally being able to put words on paper that, bad writing as it is, can pass for a paper when the deadline rolls around.
I’m grateful for Jim Brickman sheet music and a piano I could play (after trying for two weeks to find one where no one was studying) without an audience, except a very nice security guard – even if that requires it to be midnight on the worst weather day in a long time.
And I’m grateful I fell on my backside in the mud AFTER the other two events, so that I was significantly lighter-hearted and didn’t waste the opportunity for a good laugh at myself.
Sometimes, that’s enough.

Extreme Makeover, Grad Student Edition

I never thought I would go to graduate school to get a fashion makeover. I came here to study, right?

Wrong.

Introducing the newest breakout hit in reality television, Extreme Makeover: Graduate Student Edition. Although lacking in “move that bus” lachrymal drama and Stacy’s erstwhile pointy-toed heels, this show will revolutionize the way graduate students throw on a sweater vest.

It certainly has for me.

The semester is more than half over, and the graduate school machine has already worked its magic in my daily wardrobe.

See for yourself.

That watch you’re wearing? It is so totally yesterday. Obsolete. I mean it. For shame. When you leave a class, or a job, or an appointment, that means it’s time to be at the next one! Life does not fit itself into 24 hours anymore. Get used to it. Embrace it. Ditch the timepiece.

Slender computer shoulder bag? Whoa, stop right there. How many books can you fit in that thing? Two? Three? What are you thinking!!! The first cardinal rule of grad school apparel is that if it fits on your bookshelf, it must fit in your book bag. This season, we’re seeing a reemergence of the traditional pack, with significant increases in the swiss army backpack, although some avant-garde grads are already moving toward the frame pack. Slight difficulties with fitting up the stairs in the library have temporarily hindered the progression of this trend.

Cute shoes? Hold it just a second: 13 x 3. I would tell you to do the math except that you’re studying the Humanities. Count them: 39 stairs, and that’s just to get to your study carrel. If you want to come back down (not that you would), that’s another 39 right there. It’s time to put your feet first for a change.

Ponytails, buns, and other up-do’s? I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation. When was the last time you slept on a pillow made of tennis balls and needles? So why would you want to inhibit your ability to fall asleep in any chair, anywhere by creating a tennis ball and/or mat of bobby pins on the back of your head? Keep it simple, ladies. Keep it simple.

And finally, the second cardinal rule of gradual school apparel: any clothing that can substitute for pajamas is a no-brainer. Unless, of course, you’re still wearing the outfit after you fell asleep in the library last night while trying to write a paper…

There is a limit to everything.

Now go forth and conquer the world of fashion.