How do I feel about thee, thesis mine?

In honor of Flying Fork Day, I’ve written an English sonnet* for the (____) of my life, Orlando.

Enjoy.

Or not.

And so forth.

—-

How Do I Feel About Thee, Thesis Mine?

How do I feel about thee, thesis mine?
(To speak my truest feelings were not meet.)
Oh let me see that Times New Roman line–
I feel a thrill to see thy serifed feet.
Thy prose doth make me blush to rhyme;
To speak upon thy title, ‘twould be sin;
Thy use of commas is perforce sublime,
As if to pardon all contained within.
The books that buttress thee ‘gainst harm
Hath grown so tall they block the morning light.
Dear Shakespeare knoweth not thy greatest charm,
For having known thy kind, he died of fright.
Orlando, thou deserv’st no less than this:
To see me smile, then shred thee in pure bliss.

*Inspired by PhD Comics.

Part .9999999998

(I hesitate to call it part one, because I’m not sure yet what “part one” actually means.)

As of the post-midnight hours of the morning, Orlando is now on his first visit to the pediatrician (i.e. my adviser) for a check-up. In the last four days, he grew by about 18 pages, so he’s now closer to his projected age/size ratio. However, the word is now that s/he may end up a little bigger than formerly expected. That remains to be seen.

In the meantime, I’m not really feeling the separation anxiety. More like the I-don’t-think-I-want-to-hear-the-doctor’s-report anxiety.

However, while I’m still doing research on my next/first chapter, I’m also enjoying the chance to work on a creative writing piece I started last year. I like writing dialogue. Much better than deconstructing it. That’s all.

Early Modern Wisdom

Fun quote from the not-so-fun night of thesis writing:

On the doorway of Doctor Zacharias Ursinus at Heidelberg, circa 1590:

“My friend, whoever you are, if you come here, please either go away again, or give me some help in my studies.”

-Fox-Bourne’s Life of Sidney, qtd. in Howard 43.

This might have to go on the door of my study carrel.

Allow me to introduce…

Orlando

  • Orlando was “born” about three weeks ago and is currently 10 pages long. It should come as no surprise, then, that…
  • S/he’s a little confused about concepts of identity (and gender). As a result…
  • S/he gets more complicated in the telling. Which is a bad thing because…
  • We’ll be spending a lot of time together in the next four months. Thankfully…
  • S/he’s projected to have a pretty speedy growth rate – about 20 pages every two weeks; however…
  • S/he sometimes goes to sleep for long periods of time and wakes up in a totally different form.
  • S/he should reach full size by the beginning of April; however…
  • S/he’s not very good at finishing things; perhaps because…
  • S/he’s indecisive and tends to ramble in stream of consciousness. A lot; which is to say…
  • S/he would be a lot cooler if s/he could kill orcs with a bow and arrow or match swords with Johnny Depp. Be that as it may…
  • People are quick to criticize, and s/he’ll need a personal defender. (That would be me). Unfortunately…
  • S/he has a hard time staying in one era. S/he just won’t stop trying to escape the Renaissance. Oh and did I mention…
  • S/he’s a pretty temperamental little thing. Kind of demanding, too.

Oh right, Orlando’s my thesis.

And right now, s/he desperately wants approval.

The Most Wonderful Time

This is the time of year when getting up before 10 a.m. begins to feel like a real accomplishment.

The start of the thesis semester for an MA student is a combination of not taking classes, rearranging work schedules, just having written a long, supremely nebulous document about another supremely long, nebulous document that will be defended ages from now and also tomorrow…you get the picture.

But I’m realizing that dreading things takes a whole lot more effort than just doing them: like taking down Christmas decorations, responding to emails, opening a book, scheduling appointments, and even getting out of bed.

*Whew! Talk about a productive morning. Now I’m ready for a nap…*

Takin’ Names, Writin’ a Prospectus

Yesterday was a long day of writing very little. Perhaps it’s the similarity between a prospectus and a statement of purpose, like those requested by all graduate schools, internships, study abroad programs, fellowship applications, etc. etc. and so forth.

“In 500 words or less, please tell us the meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Oh, and if you could also include the way your (research)(skill set)(membership in our scholarly community)(existence) is going to radically alter that meaning, that would be great. And go.”

::involuntary shudder::

So instead of writing, I looked at…

My friend Emily’s awesome Etsy shop
A cool German photographer’s photostream
My friend Sarah’s funny video recap of a swing dance
The Humane Society’s adoptable pets

In any case, I didn’t hit my stride until about 1:15 a.m. And then you know what did it?

I found a sentence that was missing its closing punctuation.

::insert period::

Life is good.

I can write again.

Just like that.

Don’t tell me grammar is useless.

(The fact that my ability to write is now curiously and frighteningly like a segment of HTML code will remain on the list of things I don’t think about when trying to write my prospectus…)

Top 10 Reasons Why I Blog

There’s something about writing a thesis prospectus that produces existential qualms, which in turn lead to quality questioning of the most quotidian aspects of life (and an inexplicable desire to alliterate with the letter “q”). So, while quaffing coffee, I found myself thinking of the following quips about the somewhat-antiquated practice of keeping a blog.

Enjoy.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Blog

10. Someone’s got to do it.

9. I have something to say. Maybe.

8. At least SOMEONE will listen to me (or at least I can pretend…)

7. It’s cheaper than a journal and doesn’t require white-out.

6. Job skills: “Familiar with digital media platforms and web publishing.”

5. The one in 5,241,678 (million) chance I might be discovered, get a book deal, and win a Blooker Prize.

4. Everyone else [was] doing it [five years ago].

3. Once you start, you can’t stop. (See Why Having a Blog is Like Pet-Sitting.)

2. I sold my soul to Google in a Faustus-like bid to survive graduate school.

…and the number one reason why I blog is…

1. Facebook is temporarily unavailable, and I need to procrastinate LATER!!!