A Bar for All Types

Do you know what this town needs? I do, thanks to the good souls responsible for the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

I was driving home from a coffee shop today, musing about an empty building on Fourth Street, when it hit me. What this town needs is a bar that caters to the needs of both extroverts and introverts at the same time.

Yeah. That’s what’s missing.

For lack of a better name, I think I’ll call it Muddled Sprigs.

Let’s see…it will have to be a split-level bar, with quality insulation and sound control between the floors. Upstairs will be the Introverts Level, which will open at happy hour and provide a mug club for regulars. It will feature low lighting, panels that create numerous corners and nooks, and groups of chairs in ones and twos. Music will be quiet enough to permit conversation, but loud enough to prevent awkward silences, and there will be plenty of outlets for recharging iPhones.

There will be a small, selective quantity of books and games on re-purposed oak shelves, as well as plenty of colored bookmarks with a chart explaining that green means, “I’m here to meet people, but you’ll have to start the conversation,” yellow means, “If you know me already, feel free to approach,” and red means “No, seriously, I just want to be left alone.”

Downstairs, the Extroverts Level will open later and attracts a different crowd every night with the help of trivia nights, karaoke, cornhole, and darts. It will have a dance floor and a stage with plenty of room for live bands.

Tables and bar stools will be round and mobile, easily grouped together in various arrangements. The bartenders will be chatty and mingle with the patrons when they’re not pouring drinks. The line for the bathrooms will be right next to the bar, making it easy to strike up a conversation with strangers while you wait.

Now, bear in mind that there are no specific restrictions at Muddled Sprigs: you don’t have to put on an “I” or “E” name tag when you walk in the door (all of the introverts would leave immediately). You can be in an introvert mood one evening and an extrovert mood the next. We cater to the 50-50 Types as well as the 100% introverts.

That being said, signs on the doors of the Introvert Level strongly caution extroverts from attempting to pick up dates there without proper training. Management cannot be responsible for injuries that may accrue in the process, and the resulting lawsuit would ruin a fledgling business, even one born from a fundamental truth such as this one.

I would go there.

How about you? What does your personality type require from the ideal bar?


Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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