Rejection #5

UNC. Now it’s all down to Wake, or a lot of loans. What if they say ‘no’ too?
This one hits hard. I know it’s competitive, and “a lot of highly qualified people have to be turned down,” but why did you ALL choose me as one of them, if I am qualified? 
Really fighting the “I’m just never quite good enough,” syndrome right now.

Rejections #3-4

Two in one day! How cruel is that?
Right on time for VU, too: 
one day later than the rejection email last year. 

News flash: Jen is not PhD-program caliber at this point.
Two to go – let the nail biting commence.

The Phases of Anticipation OR How to Avoid Snoman SMIOS

Sustaining a high level of anticipation for a long period of time is something like trying to put clothing on a snowman. 

A scarf is manageable, and maybe mittens. But once you pull out the hat – and the wool socks – and the long underwear – and the turtleneck – and the overcoat – and the ski pants … well, the snowman goes into uncontrollable meltdown mode pretty quickly. (Earmuffs are the leading cause of SMIOS* among snowmen).
Waiting to hear back from colleges or graduate schools involves a lot of anticipation. But because of the innate meltdown effect we’re all trying to avoid, I’ve found that the anticipation goes through stages of intensity, looking something like this: 
Premature Hope
1 workday after the completed applications are mailed

It might come today! Maybe they’ll take one look at my application, scream “We must have this one!” and overnight me a check for a thousand dollars to convince me to accept. 
Blissful Oblivion
2 weeks after applications are mailed

It’s out of my hands! I’ve done everything I can do, and worrying doesn’t help anyone.
Pre-Deadline Panic
December 14, December 31, or January 14

What do you mean you never got my third reference? My transcript got lost somewhere over the Arctic Ocean? What do you expect me to do – send out another Robert Walton to find it? *Seriously considering the plausibility of creating a new transcript using MS Office.*
Momentary Lull with a Queasy Stomach
Most of January
Well, I won’t hear anything for a while, so I might as well forget about it. *Turns on the news.* Graduate school funding is at an all-time low as more and more Americans seek a way out of the troubled job market by returning to school– *Click.*
Personalization Frenzy
Most of January after TV is sold for $2.38 on Ebay

Hi, my name is — and I’m an applicant for your — program. I’d like to schedule a visit to your campus. Would you like one of my business cards? Be my friend on Facebook! I can send you an autographed supply of chocolate to hand out to the admissions committee…
Haunting of the Mailbox
Early February

First Response Crisis
February 10 at 9:16 a.m. in front of the computer screen wearing jeans and a purple shirt that itched at the wrists.

What did I do wrong? I should withdraw all my other applications so I don’t waste their time too. Is Walmart still hiring? I’m never cheering for your sports team again! *Doggedly refuses to think about the amount of money spent on score reports, application fees, and transcripts.*
Return to Resignation
Most of February and March

Whatever. Another rejection? Oh, I’m making a quilt out of them, actually. I sent out a memo requesting rejection letters so I could make it king size. An acceptance? Probably sent it to the wrong person who just happens to have my name, address, email, and social security number. 
Looming End-of-the-Line
April 14

I STILL haven’t heard from two schools? I left them seven voice mail messages, three emails, and fifteen subtle text messages. I can’t decide until I hear from them. This is the rest of my life I’m talking about. Flip a coin. No, you didn’t flip it right. Do it again. What is the meaning of life? I mean really, I could make a lot more money writing bailout requests for the auto industry. 
Realization of Priorities
April 15

Take that, world. I’m going dancing.
*Sudden Meltdown Into Oblivion Syndrome

Google Knows What I Need

Because it’s all the rage on Facebook to pass around funny surveys, I’ve decided to skip Facebook and bring this one straight to the blog.

The scoop: Google ” ~ needs,” inserting your first name for the tilde. Write down the first 10 different phrases that pop up. 
Just for kicks, and to see how well Google really knows me. It’s a little frightening, actually. My Google horoscope/fortune cookie is thus:
  1. Jen needs a session or two with a therapist.
  2. Jen needs a break.
  3. Jen needs a muzzle.
  4. Jen needs to a get a grip on her life. 
  5. Jen needs to find a self-righteous, conspicuous, “I’m better than you” charitable position so she can keep charming the sheep into thinking she matters.
  6. Jen needs to wise up.
  7. Jen needs human anatomy lessons.
  8. Jen needs cheering up.
  9. Jen needs to get off Facebook.
  10. Jen needs you. 
1 – yep, probably. 2 – hear, hear! 3 – okay… 4 – I think I have a stranglehold already, actually. 5 – you can’t beat that for a fortune cookie, let’s be honest. 6 – probably true. 7 – um, no thanks. 8 – sometimes. 9 – absolutely 100% true. 10 – you know it :-). 

All or Nothing

“Is it all…or nothing at all? There’s nowhere left to fall, when you reach the bottom, it’s now or never…”
Congratulations to me. I now have that good ol’ O-Town song stuck in my head.
I’ve been reading Richard Winter’s book Perfecting Ourselves to Death, and one of the most interesting ideas he challenges readers to consider is the “all or nothing syndrome” that a lot of perfectionists suffer from. 
“Always.”
“Never.”
“Every time.” 
“Not once.”
It’s so easy to start using these words out of context. 
I didn’t get into one grad school? I’ll never be good enough. I made a mistake in my job? Every time I try something new, I fail. I said something I regretted? I always say the wrong thing. Someone let me down? Not once have they been there for me.
One of my biggest challenges this year is learning to be realistic in a positive sense, not just a pessimistic sense. To learn how not to be so deeply wounded by every failure or every mistake. To be okay with improving in baby steps. 
“Baby steps to the elevator…baby steps onto the elevator” … now I have What About Bob stuck in my head as well. I hate that movie. And what a combination.  “Is it all, or baby steps down the hall? There’s nowhere left to babystep when they lose the power, it’s stairs or nothing.”
I’m going to stop now, and go start charting my next set of baby steps. Although, I still think it might be all or nothing when it comes to the amount of love or hate people feel for the Oscars. Just a thought, y’all. 
Cheers!

Watch for Flying Forks

Theater people are superstitious. New Years Day is full of “do”s and “don’t”s to get the year off to a lucky start. Friday the Thirteenth? A full moon? Political correctness. He/She/It? Ahhh!!!


Peanuts.

Oh no, my friends. What you may not realize is that these days and situations have nothing on the most tenuous of days when friendships can be destroyed, tears evoked, luck ruined, and the wrath of an entire gender brought down upon your head in a single instant. 
Valentines Day. 
I doubt it’s an accident that the name sounds like “flying [fork] tines.”
If you read my post on New Years Resolutions, you may have realized I don’t put much stock in cultural taboos. Or at least, I try not to. 
My challenge to you this Nightmare-of-Flying-Fork-Tines Day is to walk bravely under the ladder of Valentines taboos, reflecting that the color red is, after all, just a color, and Walmart has already started decorating for Easter. 

To help you on your journey, I’ve compiled a list of Valentines taboos just dying to be broken: 

  • Wear absolutely nothing red. Or pink. Or rose. Or maroon. Or magenta. Or fuschia. Or plum. Or salmon. Or strawberry. Or raspberry. Or fire engine red. Or even lavendar, because it’s a pink wanna-be. OR…
  • Wear every shade of pink and red. At the same time. Not because it’s Valentines Day or Broken-Heart Day.

  • Watch a sappy chick flick and scoff loudly at the most romantic moments. OR…
  • Watch a sappy chick flick and DON’T scoff loudly at the most romantic moments. 

  • Eat a piece of chocolate cake for dessert without offering to share with a friend. OR…
  • Start a no-chocolate diet.

  • Change your relationship status on Facebook at least twelve times, allowing time for “aww” comments in between.  OR…
  • Send all your friends who use the Li’l Green Patch application on Facebook a red rose, regardless of their relationship status.

  • Re-gift your leftover Christmas candy. OR..
  • Re-gift last year’s Valentines and candy.

  • If you’re on a date or spending your first Fork Day as a couple, add Frank Sinatra’s “Love and Marriage” to your dinner playlist. And sing along. AND…
  • Drop shameless hints every time you see a diamond commercial. OR… 
  • At that fancy restaurant, get down on one knee…to tie your shoe.

  • Stage a protest of alternate Valentines Day nomenclature: Singles Awareness Day and Un-Valentines are just going too far. Fork Day is okay. OR…
  • Wish them all your single friends a happy “Singles Awareness Day.” AND…
  • Create a personalized relationship plan for each of your single friends. Present it to them with a little “Bless your heart” thrown in for good measure.

And above all else, have fun showin’ some love to the people you care about. After all, you’ve just survived a full moon AND Friday 13th, so you should be all warmed up to dodge some flying forks.


Me, I might just check my mailbox for all the incoming relationship plans; then sit down and watch Titanic for the first time and have a good cry at the end. Oh, Rose…Wherefore art thou (un-drowndest) Rose? The world will always wonder…