ISO a UNICORN this Christmas—primary for play and pleasure: obstacles, baby dressage, rides around the farm. Should be easygoing and willing to stand around for long grooming sessions. Doesn’t have to be bombproof, but MUST be able to take a joke. Confidence-builder type. Should be the same whether riding every day or with a fewContinue reading “ISO a UNICORN”
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Dear Kindly IRS Agent,
Dear Kindly IRS Agent, I’m writing to present my case for a silent and all-too-common flaw in the U.S. tax code, causing thousands of dollars of misrepresented fiscal reporting and threatening the livelihoods of many a responsible taxpayer: namely, the failure to recognize horses as dependents. Before you object, allow me to explain. My horseContinue reading “Dear Kindly IRS Agent,”
Parts in Your World
Tomorrow, I say goodbye to my faithful car of 14 years, a 2002 Honda Civic named Sylvie. It seems only fair to commemorate her quirky humor and adventurous spirit in song—her own special anthem. I bet you can sing along. Parts in Your World Look at this plate Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think myContinue reading “Parts in Your World”
Deathly Cute Hallows
Happy Halloween! Today, instead of feverishly assembling a quirky costume, I’m pondering something a little different. What would it look like to prepare for death on Halloween, in keeping with the holiday’s historical roots (read more)? Hang with me. I will admit: the thought first crossed my mind this morning as I puked in anContinue reading “Deathly Cute Hallows”
On Both Sides
There’s wisdom on both sides. In a few months there will be wisdom on neither side. On December 13, well into my thirties, I will be losing the four emblems of wisdom that fought their way out of my gums more than ten years ago. On the other hand, sometimes you just have to gritContinue reading “On Both Sides”
Ode on a Frisbee Disc, by Cleats
I bet you didn’t know that athletic shoes have a poetic streak, did you? Well, neither did I, until I recently purchased a new pair of cleats to replace the sad excuse for shoes that I had been wearing for three years. The old ones did not take abandonment well, as the following poem demonstrates.Continue reading “Ode on a Frisbee Disc, by Cleats”
The Nose Knows
Act I, Scene I. A street in winter Me: About time you turned up! Nose: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s get to the point, shall we? What did you haul me out here to talk about, anyway? Me: It’s just that I’m starting to feel like a mother carrying around a diaper bag, except that strangersContinue reading “The Nose Knows”
This Pumpkin Is No Cinderella
La-di-da-de-dah, time to go to the pumpkin patch! Carving pumpkins is so much fun! If I could just–cut–out–the–stem– … … Ladies and Gentlemen: this is no ordinary pumpkin. This pumpkin has, in all likelihood, been genetically engineered to resist carving. Please observe the following cross-section:Note the absurdly thick rind. The dense flesh. The self-healing propertyContinue reading “This Pumpkin Is No Cinderella”
…and…
Merry Christmas!!! Today at the mall, doing my traditional Christmas Eve shopping and people-watching, a few things, as every year, caught my eye: 1) The number of adults leaning precariously over the railing to catch a glimpse of Santa on the floor below.2) The men – props to you – sitting and waiting on theContinue reading “…and…”
Rejection #5
UNC. Now it’s all down to Wake, or a lot of loans. What if they say ‘no’ too? This one hits hard. I know it’s competitive, and “a lot of highly qualified people have to be turned down,” but why did you ALL choose me as one of them, if I am qualified? Really fightingContinue reading “Rejection #5”
Snark on the Side 