The Nose Knows

Act I, Scene I. A street in winter

Me: About time you turned up!

Nose: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s get to the point, shall we? What did you haul me out here to talk about, anyway?

Me: It’s just that I’m starting to feel like a mother carrying around a diaper bag, except that strangers don’t smile at me and say knowingly, “Oh, is this your first?”

Nose: That’s why they invented purses.

Me: Even Madame Maxime’s handbag wouldn’t hold enough tissues at the rate you’re going through them! Speaking of which, be honest. Can you really tell the difference between a tissue that costs $0.007 and one that costs $0.014?

Nose: Please! Can you tell the difference between wet cat food and gourmet pâté?

Me: Umm, no.

Nose: *sniff* Well, that just goes to show…

Me: Look. If you could just walk from time to time, instead of running everywhere. That would be a huge bonus.

Nose: You call walking “exercise”? No wonder those thighs of yours are—

Me: That was a low blow.

Nose: I’m just getting warmed up.

Me: We’re done.

Nose: I feel so snubbed.

/ SCENE