The Nose Knows

Nimm dich selbst bei der NaseAct I, Scene I. A street in winter

Me: About time you turned up!

Nose: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s get to the point, shall we? What did you haul me out here to talk about, anyway?

Me: It’s just that I’m starting to feel like a mother carrying around a diaper bag, except that strangers don’t smile at me and say knowingly, “Oh, is this your first?”

Nose: That’s why they invented purses.

Me: Even Madame Maxime’s handbag wouldn’t hold enough tissues at the rate you’re going through them! Speaking of which, be honest. Can you really tell the difference between a tissue that costs $0.007 and one that costs $0.014?

Nose: Please! Can you tell the difference between wet cat food and gourmet pâté?

Me: Umm, no.

Nose: *sniff* Well, that just goes to show…

Me: Look. If you could just walk from time to time, instead of running everywhere. That would be a huge bonus.

Nose: You call walking “exercise”? No wonder those thighs of yours are—

Me: That was a low blow.

Nose: I’m just getting warmed up.

Me: We’re done.

Nose: I feel so snubbed.



Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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