October 22, 2011 by Jen
La-di-da-de-dah, time to go to the pumpkin patch! Carving pumpkins is so much fun!
If I could just–cut–out–the–stem–
Ladies and Gentlemen: this is no ordinary pumpkin.
This pumpkin has, in all likelihood, been genetically engineered to resist carving.
Please observe the following cross-section:
Note the absurdly thick rind. The dense flesh. The self-healing property that instantly converts partially sliced skin into a consistency not unlike the stem.
This is no ordinary pumpkin.
If I were in a horror movie, eerie music would begin to play in the background, and someone would be readying the fake blood.
And yet I had such high hopes for you. Those tattoos? Should have used pencil. Or had lower expectations for my fine detail control when required to use a BUTCHER KNIFE.
And yet, in the end, good triumphs over evil.
Jen triumphs over the pumpkin.
And the year’s masterpiece fishbowl of terror is (close enough to finally call it quits) complete. Watch out, little Nemo.