Suggestion from a Stomach

My stomach and I converse fairly regularly. We have a good rapport, and I would rate our communication at about an 8/10. That being said, my stomach does not often issue direct commands, so I am apt to listen when it does.

Call it the mystery of Twelfth Night, but this evening, my stomach decided that it was time for a chat. The conversation was somewhat similar to the iPhone4 vs. HTC parody* on YouTube. *contains profanity

Stomach: I want a steak. Where is the steak?

Me: Well, that’s a bit unusual. We don’t eat red meat all that often.

Stomach: I don’t care. I want a steak.

Me: We have a lasagna in the freezer.

Stomach: Is that a steak?

Me: Well, no.

Stomach: If it’s not a steak, why would I want it?

Me: But steak is kind of expensive.

Stomach: I don’t care.

Me: How about fish? Fish has almost as much iron, if that’s what you’re craving.

Stomach: I don’t care.

Me: But fish is better for you.

Stomach: I don’t care.

Me: This is a drugstore. They don’t even have steak.

Stomach: I want a steak. Will you get me a New York Strip?

Me: But…I was thinking about a salad.

Stomach: I don’t care. I want a steak. With onions. And garlic sauce.


Sometimes, you just learn when to give in. Ergo, tonight’s dinner menu: marinated steak, roasted onions and brussels sprouts, salad, and RayLen Vineyards’ 2008 Eagle’s Select.

Happy Twelfth Night!

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
—Shakespeare, Twelfth Night


Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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