29 Things a Birthday Does Not Automatically Convey

  1. The ability to step over power cords with an injured leg without tripping
  2. IMG_3194Growing out of eating frozen vegetables as a snack
  3. The ability to function without coffee
  4. Fame
  5. Fortune
  6. A love of doing dishes
  7. Wisdom
  8. The ability to put on toenail polish neatly
  9. IMG_3193Magical skills on a guitar that you haven’t practiced in weeks
  10. The resolution to separate your whites and your colors
  11. Neat handwriting
  12. Excellence in returning phone calls
  13. The ability to control the coffee maker with your mind
  14. All other superpowers
  15. Motivation
  16. Instant healing of injuries
  17. Good taste in music
  18. IMG_3195Loss of delight over new ways to organize books
  19. A memory that never forgets to water the plants
  20. A liking for even numbers
  21. Carpets that vacuum themselves
  22. The ability to play an F chord in time
  23. Love of taking out the trash
  24. Getting over the delight of finding an unexpected chocolate bar
  25. Growing out of a love of really, really bad puns
  26. IMG_3196Better silly faces
  27. The ability to be okay with pictures that are slightly crooked
  28. The ability to write 10-item lists like normal people
  29. Being normal

Thank goodness for that. Happy Birthday, all you September 4thers!


Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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