The Woman Behind the Curtain

Perhaps The Wizard of Oz was on my mind this week because I finally had the opportunity to watch Oz the Great and Powerful (James Franco, Michelle Williams, Mila Kunis) last weekend. At least, that’s what I like to think.

Whatever the reason, last night, a regrettable sequence of events gave new meaning to the famous line, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.”

It had been a busy week for our heroine—let’s call her ‘Enjay’—and in the course of surviving it, some of her good habits had lapsed: habits such as, you know, well, eating meals at regular times, NOT drinking five cups of coffee in one afternoon, and the like.

On Thursday, when 5:30 rolled around, she set off for Ultimate Frisbee practice, having consumed at least five cups of coffee that day, having drunk very little water, and having not yet eaten dinner. All logical decisions, right?

8:00 rolled around. Practice was over, and she was feeling pretty spent. So what did this smart, Master’s degree-educated woman do? Not, go home and eat dinner like a (relatively) normal person. Not, chug 40 oz. of water to rehydrate. Oh no. She decided to go swing dancing at a local pub.

10:00 rolled around. Her feet hurt, but she had enjoyed reconnecting with friends and bustin’ out a move or two on the dance floor. Heart full, body tired, she headed home, desperately in need of a shower.

10:30. In the process of de-stinkifying. Slightly light-headed, but not too concerned about it. Floor of the shower stall gets soapy. Not paying attention. One foot lands on the base of the overly long shower curtain. Slow motion: “Am I really falling sideways? So tired. I’ll catch my balance here in a second. Nope. Still tumbling. Foot can’t slide any further that direction. Momentum. There goes the shower curtain. @$&*.”

THUD.

Maniacal laughter.

Pay no attention to that woman beneath the shower curtain.

No, really. Just ignore her. Better decisions next week.

Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English degree-holder, a southern liberal, and an adult amateur equestrian who doesn’t match her saddle pads. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

%d bloggers like this: