Year Two Resolutions

Well, it’s happening again. Year two of my M.A. in English has officially begun. I celebrated by discovering that I now associate the smell of the library, especially the study rooms, with David Lynch. When that happened, I have no idea.

As befits another school year, I have immediately commenced making long-winded and ridiculous resolutions that will be broken .2 seconds after I receive my first assignment. Nonetheless, for your reading pleasure, I present,

Resolutions to which Every Studious Overachieving Learner Under Thirty Is Obliged to Nominally Subscribe*

1) I will not, will not give in to the lure of Starbucks before every 3 p.m., 2.5 hour class.

2) Projects will not, will not be completed the night before they are due.**

3) I will bring an umbrella to school on rainy days.***

4) I will not, will not use Facebook as a reward for every sentence I type.

5) I will not, will not allow the stairs to have the last word.****

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? I can do this. I can. Really. Go. Done.

Right.


*Did you notice that amazing split infinitive? Mwahahaha
**Notice the lovely ambiguity that allows projects to be still incomplete the night (and morning) before they are due…
***But may leave it in the car.
****Even if all I get to add is “ouch.”

Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English major, a southern liberal, and an employed young adult with a master’s degree. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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