To my dear (now-ex) roommates,
Thank you for apologizing when you turned on the lights at midnight and entered en masse. No thanks for subsequently continuing to party for another hour.
Thank you for not “waking me up” to show me the pictures in your porn magazine. No thanks for narrating the pictures in a loud voice.
Thank you for not spilling vodka on my bag and leaving the room before lighting your cigarettes. No thanks for sitting on my weet-bix (cereal) box.
I’m honored that you think of me as a “whole/old” person. On the whole, shall we say, it was a pleasure knowing you.