10 Things You Learn…

10 Things You Learn After Spending 26 Hours on Campus Over a Two-Day Period


10. Candy corn will probably be made an illegal stimulant at some point in the near future.
9. Trying to translate one’s Latin sentences into Elvish instead of English is a good indication that one should go to bed.
8. Protocol matters: Dropping a book in the 24-hour study room is cause for Class 3 dirty looks after 10 p.m.
7. Coughing is cause for Class 2 dirty looks at any time.
6. Setting off alarms on doors to restricted areas is cause for Class 1 A+++ dirty looks and, if repeated, of expulsion from the society of conscientious graduate students nationwide.
5. Coffee shops secretly pay professors to assign their papers all in the same week.
4. Anything involving stairs after Hour 15 should be avoided.
3. There are 29 specks of dirt on the window in the study lounge which, if examined with the head at a 13.5 degree angle for two minutes consecutively, resemble a small kangaroo jumping over a Christmas bell.
2. Productivity = (0.5 x cups of coffee) + (1/hours-until-deadline) – (0.7 x hours-spent-working) / time-of-day-in-military-time. and…
1. You are a graduate student.

Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English major, a southern liberal, and an employed young adult with a master’s degree. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

2 thoughts on “10 Things You Learn…

  1. How convenient. I have a similar equation for productivity!Productivity = [(# consecutive hair twirls with right hand + # consecutive hair twirls with left hand)/(# sentences in scientific article re-read due to hair twirling distraction) – (# scientific articles left to read)/(maximum # scientific articles professor could possibly assign for one day + 5 more)] / # minutes until head involuntarily hits computer wrist restOh, grad school. How much we must love thee. ;o)

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