Powering Up

November 2, 2012 by Jen

Friends, I have come to an important realization: my internal system requires 43 percent solar power in order to operate at full capacity. Due to eccentricities of design, this percentage cannot be replaced by other forms of energy such as food, caffeine, or sleep. If present in insufficient quantities, I operate at a maximum functionality of 57 percent.

It’s a serious conundrum.

Hence, it is of the utmost importance for me to allot daily sessions spent in direct sunlight, to ensure sufficient recharging of this crucial energy component. (In my head, the process is accompanied by a distinctive Mario power-up sound.)

Today, I’m at about 82 percent. It’s a good day.

So do not be alarmed if you find me curled up on a coffee table, squeezed on a kitchen counter, or immobilized in the center of a parking lot. I am not a vampire—I neither sparkle nor dissolve; I am not an Animagus—no cat fur; I am not an Ent—no latent environmental rage. Think of me instead as a self-sustaining human solar panel, another photosynthetic creature just trying to survive another winter.

I’m totally harmless: I swear. Unless, of course, you happen to block my sunlight. In that case, I’m not making any promises…

Advertisements
"Hunting of the Snark"

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

Archives

Goodreads

Hyperbole and a Half

Bringing you a slice of life, with a healthy serving of snark on the side

The Snarkist

Advice you probably don't want

Vintage Ramblins

Thoughts on the Road

Gracious Living in a Zombie World: A Ladies’ Handbook

Why just survive when you can thrive?

Christ! Xmas

all about Christmas and Santa.

Break Room Stories

Service Industry Stories and More Since 2012

i/nternpretation

a blog written by the intern at winston-salem's a/perture cinema.

Riskology

Bringing you a slice of life, with a healthy serving of snark on the side

bottledworder

easy reading is damn hard writing

Rachel Poli

I read. I write. I create.

sethsnap

Photographs from my world.

A Commonplace Blog

Bringing you a slice of life, with a healthy serving of snark on the side

NOTA BENE BOOKS BLOG

Bringing you a slice of life, with a healthy serving of snark on the side

Red Wine Diva

It's a Wine Life: Musings and Tastings

Piedmont Craftsmen

Bringing you a slice of life, with a healthy serving of snark on the side

%d bloggers like this: