I’m starting to have a piece-de-resistance kind of idea in honor of the upcoming Flying Fork Day.
It’s Romeo and Juliet. A new film version. Based on the Yankees/Red Socks rivalry. It’s called Red Leather. It’s directed by David Lynch. And it goes something like this…
VOICEOVER (HARRY DEAN STANTON): Two clubs, alike in history…
–Cut to shot of a screaming fan being violently stabbed in the parking lot outside Fenway Park while rap music blares in the background. Cut to black.
VO: …in fair Boston, where we lay our scene…
–Handheld camera “runs” down Beacon Hill at night, breathing heavily, after a screaming Laura Dern. Fade to a high angle shot of a bouquet of red, red roses against the snow outside a florist shop on Harvard square. Fade to white.
VO: …a pair of star-crossed lovers take their lives…
–Montage of Nicholas Cage…with Isabel Rosselini at sunset while an umpire in whiteface dances on top of a car waving a baseball bat over their heads and a majestic score borrowed from Gone With the Wind cuts to the violins. Fade to black.
–Scene change: Fenway park, seventh inning stretch. “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” plays cheerfully in the background and happy children wave at the camera. Slow pan to the infield.
DAVID ORTIZ: “Do you kick sand in my face, sir?”
ALEX RODRIGUEZ: “No sir, but I do kick sand, sir.”
It’s going to be brilliant.
Or further evidence that bad ideas spring from procrastinating minds.