Burning Bridges is Bad for the Environment

Today, if my mental state were to play out on the Facebook news feed, it would look something like this:


_____________________________
*                       FACEBOOK                          *
Jen is getting ready to burn the first bridge.

Jen is talking seriously to God about the wisdom of burning bridges.

Jen: Does anyone know where to find research about the health hazards of burning bridges?

Jen is reliving her visit to ___ school.

Jen is browsing ____’s viewbooks.

Jen is already nostalgic about ___ school she hasn’t said ‘no’ to yet.

Jen thinks she might just run it by the post office later.

Jen slaps herself in the face and says “get it over with.”

Jen makes a copy of the decision card to practice checking the “no” box.

Jen could still check the “yes” box on the real thing.

Jen is writing a thank you note to the admissions people she met.

Jen is addressing the envelope.

Jen is wishing she were out of stamps so she had an excuse to wait.

Jen is printing her name on the decision card.

Jen is dating the decision card.

Jen could probably clean her room before checking “yes” or “no.”

Jen needs some tea.

Jen: the mail doesn’t come until 2:30, after all.

Jen’s hand is hovering over the “no” box on the decision card.

Jen wonders what is the meaning of life?

Jen just checked “no.” In pencil.

Jen is slipping the card into the envelope with the thank you note.

Jen should probably check Facebook before sealing the envelope.

Jen is taking one last look at ______ school’s website.

Jen is looking for volunteers to seal an envelope?

Jen sealed the envelope.

Jen is considering steaming it back open.

Jen is meandering up to the mailbox.

Jen thinks it would be a great morning for a long walk.

Jen will not go back to the mailbox. Jen will not go back to the mailbox.

Jen just burned the first bridge. 

Jen: Do you remember who said burning bridges was bad for the environment?

Jen is talking seriously to God about the wisdom of burning bridges.

Jen keeps mysteriously hearing doors slam.

Jen’s finger hurts in a weird sort of phantom pain.

Jen hears the mailman coming. BRB.

Jen will not chase the mailman. Jen will not chase the mailman.

Jen is realizing the finality of burning bridges.

Jen is talking seriously to God about the wisdom of burning bridges.

Published by Jen

The author of Snark on the Side is not your average run-of-the-millennial generation. Jen is a contradiction in terms: a graceful klutz, a smart blond, a math-savvy English major, a southern liberal, and an employed young adult with a master’s degree. Snark on the Side is a work in progress, born out of years of rambling email newsletters and anthropomorphized Christmas letters, small town observations, and the ever-present irony of pursuing a career with a degree in English literature. Thanks for visiting!

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